What is photography to you? Does it change depending on the format you're using?
I try to shoot with film constantly and every time I get my pictures back from the photo store, they feel so much more precious than my digital snaps. I love the graininess of it, the unexpected purple hue, the sense that I photographed something well without the help of a computer telling me that I'm not exposing properly.
I didn't realize this but photography has become the thing I go to when I need a moment of quietness. When I'm feeling just a little bit too suffocated by people...work....life, I instinctively grab my camera and go for long walks.
And analog forces me to focus on a photo and let me just phase out my worries.
All images photographed on Kodak Portra 400 with a Hasselblad
Holga, Ilford FP4 Plus film.
I have a bad habit of snapping some photos on my film cameras, leave them to dust for few months and snap some more. Then I wait like another year to develop the roll. So by the time I scan the roll, I have shots from 2012...2011.
I took these with my Holga, a plastic toy camera that I bought on Ebay 11 years ago for $10, and there are few shots where I don't remember when and where I took them. It's like a dream. I remember certain details about random dreams I have had but they are foggy. There are certain details in these shots that sort of give me an idea where and when these were taken.
The older I get the more I try to remember.
Recipe testing day for Blondie and Brownie's book "New York a la Cart". May 2012 Hasselblad Kodak Portra 400.
What sort of person are you? Do you plan every step of your life or is each brand new day an adventure of uncertainty? I was just thinking the other day. When I was 25 (2003) and on my way to school in NY, I didn't plan on being here for more than a few years. I'm close to being in this city for 10 yeas now. While I still dream about moving onto another city, realistic I see myself here.
Today is my dad's birthday. I wish him the bestest birthday ever. I wonder what his dreams were when he was young. I have heard many times the story of him escaping Vietnam to Hong Kong, during the Vietnam War. Are we all just made up of chances and luck and fate? It's hard to imagine what would've happened if he had stayed in Vietnam. I definitely wouldn't be here.
He told me on the phone, couple days ago, to "just keep photographing." I'm totally not the type to just sit around and wait. I hate the uncertainty of tomorrow. I want things to happen now. I want to keep photographing but sometimes I wonder, what's the point? My dad is stubborn and likes to argue but super duper supportive of the things my sisters and I are doing.
Last week I got some shitty news and though it wasn't as a smack in the face like I got from few years ago, it was still a little depressing to hear. BUT that smack in the face I got few years ago, now looking back, was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. I'm not very religious and don't really believe in one god but it's hard not to believe in fate. A lot of things in my life could've gone wrong and yet it has led me here.
Maybe I just need to be patience and live my life. I got my health, family and friends. Shooting film is a lot like life, don't you think? My dad gave me his Hasselblad and it only takes 12 pictures. You really have to think about your picture before snapping it, definitely a good exercise for any photographers. I take a photo and there's no way for me to know what it's going to look like. Did I get the aperture right? Did I over or underexposed it? You sort of have to just trust your guts, just like in life. Some pictures may turn out bad or just plain boring. But there are certainly some good ones. Though, no matter the outcome, it's you.